Video fun and absent lover

I had a kind of sexy day. Not much in the way or orgasms, but still not bad.

It started with a pleasant conversation with J, which put me in a good mood and made me lose myself in thoughts about a warm, sensual, female body. I simply need to experience that some day... I even wrote down a fantasy later; an attempt at a start of a new email exchange with J and S. For different reasons I haven't sent it to either of them yet, but I probably will when the timing is right.

Then I decided to have another go at making a video - but this time I went about it a little differently. Firstly, I chose a much simpler task. Secondly, I chose to go for professional advice.

This is a little sensitive. I mean, I want to make a video for S. Which sort of includes not showing it to anybody else. But I also need to find a way to feel more comfortable about the end result, which involves practice, and input.

So I consulted with my good friend G. This is his area of expertise, and though it felt a little odd showing him my first try, it proved to be a both helpful and enjoyable experience - a good mix of arousal and practical hints. I had fun, and I have good hopes of being able to make a video which feels honest, as well as makes me think back on what I felt while making it (as opposed to going cold and freaking out).

I haven't told S about the professional consult, for the simple reason that we haven't talked. A quick "how are you" this morning was all. I feel both sad and worried about it, but I'm choosing to look at it as a temporary lapse of... oh I don't know, him being busy? Having a cold? Fatigue from my emotional outbursts? At least until proven otherwise.

I still have hopes of some night time fun, alone or otherwise. Time will tell.