My marriage isn't bad enough for me to want to leave, but it isn't good enough for me to want to stay the rest of my life either. We're basically good friends. That's a good thing, but honestly, I don't think it's good enough.
We have young children. The reasons for me to move on - a longing for adventure, for independency, for great sex - are not important enough to break up their family.
I wish I was younger. 40 something is a good age for me, but the way I picture my future, I might allow myself a little more freedom in 10 years or so. By then I'll be 50 something. I can definitely still have an adventurous life, but what about the great sex...? Who will lust for an old lady? This worries me a little.
That hasn't stopped me from making plans. If I am indeed going to leave, I will want 1) a gorgeous body and 2) a better income. So I'm starting an exercise regimen, and diversifying my business a little :-)
Of course, I'm not just sitting around, waiting for those 10 years to go by. I've gotten off to a really good start chatting, exploring... I can't believe how much has happened this past year or two, and I'm so grateful for having met some extraordinary persons to help me along. Most of all S, of course, but others as well.
In the years to come, I'd be disappointed if I didn't have a real life affair (or two, or three) as well, while still married. But given how emotional I am (and that has actually surprised me), maybe I should stay away from it...?
Oh well, it's not something I need to think about right now anyway. As my friend G said yesterday, when I told him I wanted an affair: "No you don't, you'd feel like you were cheating on S". And he's right. For now, I don't want, or need, anyone else. (Except for our joint little adventures, that is...)
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