I've been worrying a little about only having exchanged the odd short message with S over the last few days, though I know there have been obvious explanations. Today we've talked a couple of times, and it has been both emotional and reassuring. Of course he's still there... don't know why I keep doubting it?
But when I started daydreaming (to be honest, about his cock - maybe this is a bit too much information, but he has such a completely delicious cock. I've only seen pictures of course, but god it looks good), I didn't go online to look for him, but watched a clip instead.
In a way, I feel that when starting an erotic conversation, it's a little bit like making a promise: that I'll follow it through, not change my mind, not back out. And I still felt a little unsure whether or not my newly reinstated arousal would stand the test.
I shouldn't have worried though. I came to the clip, which made me wish that I'd talked with S instead. I so miss talking and playing and masturbating and coming with him. Oh well, there will be other times.
I'm definitely back on track.
I have the same problem. It's always a constant fear of whether he's still there or not. When I don't get answers to my texts, or if I don't hear from him in a while. Drives me crazy.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you're talking about. On the other hand, perhaps that fear is what keeps renewing the intensity, time after time? And adds some drama to life as well... for better or for worse.
ReplyDeletetrue... it is probably part of the attraction. Someone really should study the phenomenon.... It's like babies who don't know that you're still there if you're behind them. It's like if you can't see me, I can't see you and so forth. There must be a logical answer as to why we feel like this. And I'm pretty sure it's not just on the female side either. Rob has gotten worried when I haven't answered too.
ReplyDeleteI've wondered if it's an online thing. In real life, you agree on meetings, place calls, go visit (or even spy ;-)... you can, if you want, "impose" yourself on someone. In an online setting, you only have that little space where both actively and simultaneously have chosen to talk, whereas those spaces in betweens are vacuums, that can either mean something (like a statement, "I don't feel like talking", or like a simple "I'm busy doing something I'd rather be doing") or nothing (which is probably mostly the case - life or work interfering). And while you're in that vacuum, you have no way of knowing which. Or wait... are these simply the characteristics of an affair, online or not...?
ReplyDeleteAnd, by the way, there are definitely pros and cons. The worrying is a downside, but on the other hand it makes you really appreciate those moments together for what they are, right there and then.
ReplyDeleteOh man... that whole thing would be a great topic to write an entire post about.. or maybe two. It's so complex. But you're right, it does have it's positive and negative aspects. It's like the "not seeing someone for a while to appreciate them" tactic. Which I try to do with my bf ever so often by escaping to London ;-)
ReplyDelete