Frenzy

I just can't get enough right now. I can't even look at my bed without wanting to touch myself. I can't much look at anything without getting horny. In fact, I'm aroused even as I start looking. No really, I don't even have to look.

And tonight I'm going away and won't have any alone time... but in my frenzied state I'm sure I'll think of a way.

Talking in the night

I so missed S tonight... I didn't have time to make myself come earlier in the day, so I was incredibly horny going to bed, desperate for whispered words, hot touches, taboo fantasies. I knew he wouldn't be online of course, since he's still on holiday.

I was getting up early, but I just couldn't resist going into the chat. It has been quite a while. I started talking with someone, and he turned out to be a surprisingly sexy person who really turned me on. Very encouraging, and very obviously aroused, hard... which I loved imagining. I came, and then I came again.

So now I'm very relaxed and comfortable and ready to go to sleep.

Though I'll admit I feel just a tad unfaithful.

Afternoon delight

I feel lazy, in a way. With S away, no-one is making me dig deep inside myself for those secret fantasies that I love unlocking.

Instead, I'm digging into the gold mine that is this new new author of erotic stories that I've found. Which made for a great afternoon delight today.

I wonder why I'm always so very horny around 2, 3, 4 pm...? Never mind. I'm just glad that I have the house to myself around that time, finally, again.

First day on my own

Mmm. I've missed them so, those hours after taking the kids to school. At home, alone, after over a month constantly surrounded by family.

I had planned to get started with work, but seeing as I have a cold, I quickly succumbed to other desires and needs. For hours.

I have to come up with some kind of strategy though. During my long vacation I've felt inspired to focus on work during the next few months, but I had clearly forgotten how easily I stray from such plans.

Monday. I will work all day Monday. Promise.

Middle of the night

I woke up in the middle of the night and felt wide awake. The thought of masturbating crossed my mind, and I spent a while daydreaming about someone who's been on my mind lately, but the dreams of her are more romantic than erotic. I went on to open the laptop and read the local news, after which I checked the messenger - not because I thought there'd be something there, and definitely not because I expected to talk, but simply out of habit. I was surprised to find a message from S, who's on a holiday. I hadn't thought I'd hear from him until he got back.

The very brief message got my thoughts going.. I looked up an erotic story, and was surprised to find one which was well written and just to my tastes. What a feast it is when that happens! With mini-vibe in hand I read on, knowing I wouldn't make it until the end of the story.

I love that feeling, of being so close, only allowing myself very light touches of the vibrator, set on low, as to not climax too soon. Challenging myself to read just one more paragraph, then one more, and one more... until finally deciding to let myself go, feeling the spasms ripple through my body in the darkness of the room, the pleasure prolonged by wet fingers knowingly curling and swirling around just the right spots at just the right intervals.

Very relaxed and sleepy now. Too bad I'll have to get up in just one hour.

The state of things

I've had a loooong vacation, with very limited possibilities for talking online and/or masturbating. I need my alone time back. Looking forward to going back to work. A lot.

I've seen the woman I'm interested in again, finally, after a couple of months of no contact... I can't figure out if she's flirting back or just warm-hearted by nature. She smiles a lot, she's very physical. Which doesn't necessarily mean that she's flirting. Which probably doesn't mean that she's flirting. Ah, I wish I knew. I've enjoyed seeing her again nonetheless. A lot.

S has gone away, and I won't be talking with him over the next couple of weeks. I already miss him. A lot.

Post phone sex stress disorder

Written words have always been my friends. If given a choice, I'll choose written communication over spoken any time. I'm a slow thinker and I'm not particularly fond of hearing my own voice. I don't feel confident about speaking.

Needless to say, chatting and online communication suits me really well.

But then from time to time, S and I will have phone sex. I love hearing his voice... love it. I get so aroused, and come so easily while listening to him, and afterwards I love recalling his voice as he nears climax (sometimes I'll read stories about men masturbating, only to imagine the sound of him... and I'll come to that image.)

But: So unsure am I of spoken communication, that I'll more or less assume that I'm a disappointment to him.

Considering how much he seems to enjoy talking on the phone with me, I'd say it's pretty obvious that I'm wrong. But it's a fact that while phone sex tends to make me more attached to S, making me want to chat online even more, he seems to react in the opposite way. Our online conversations are often reduced to a minimum for some time after we've talked on the phone.

My brain is fairly sure that there are other factors behind this, not having to do with my ability (or, should I say, inability) to use spoken words, but my heart is not following. It gets nervous, scared - sometimes to the point where I won't even go online. I realize that this strategy eliminates every chance of S contacting me, which is the opposite of what I want, but at certain times, it definitely beats the horrifying risk of staying online, only to discover that he's not around, which in my agitated state sends me endlessly contemplating the possible reasons behind his absence (and I'm ashamed to admit that I usually fail to consider the most obvious ones, such as him being busy or tired).

Yes, I'm obsessing, and yes, you may call me crazy (and if my friend G was around I'm sure he would, which would probably both make me angry and do me good). However, I won't acknowledge it as an entirely negative feeling. I love that S still means that much to me that he can affect me so profoundly, after over a year and a half of talking online, practically on a daily basis.

It's both scary and delightful.

But yes, I suppose I have confidence issues, and that I should somehow be working on them.