Long, slow, hot, taboo... both S and I were probing, moving along boundaries... but we know each other so well by now, we don't have to be too careful. I felt a little too ashamed to tell him exactly everything, and he knew it. I will, eventually, and he knows that too.
I loved the sleepy pillowtalk afterwards. We don't do that very often, since it always gets so late. I think we said goodnight at least three times, but then we just kept talking.
When it comes to very taboo topics, it's so unbelievably liberating to realize that there is an absolute and uncrossable border between real and fantasy. I've met people in chat who made me doubt whether that line was there for them, and those were some scary experiences. I know it is there for me, and for him, and that makes me feel safe enough to tell him absolutely everything - every nasty masturbation fantasy, every taboo daydream.
There is so much pleasure involved, but above all I'm getting to know myself, and I'm learning that I can show myself in utter, complete honesty to another person (and to myself!), all of me, nothing hidden, without fear of judgement. That's something that I think a lot of people never get to experience, ever.
You are absolutely correct that not a whole lot of people can show themselves with complete honesty without judgement. It is a beautiful thing when you meet someone who you can show yourself to.
ReplyDeleteYes. That has been the most amazing aspect of talking online, for me. I can only hope that I'll get to experience it in real life some day... whispering these things, face to face... it's scary, and yes, beautiful.
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