#74, March 16, night

I came to bed tonight knowing that I'd make myself come before I slept. It had been two days, but it has seemed longer to me. I haven't had the opportunity to be alone during the day, and last night... ok, to be honest, I have to admit that I waited for S. I so wanted to talk... and then when he came online, we basically just said goodnight. He had an early meeting and needed to sleep.

I didn't mind though. There have been times when it would have made me nervous, or terribly disappointed, but right now we just seem to be so sure of each other, at least me of him... I love that feeling, and I don't really expect it to stay, so I'm just enjoying it.

Anyway, I wanted to go on on my own, but by then it was really late, and I was so sleepy, so I didn't get around to it. And this whole day I've felt that itch, that urge... I've planned it, I've looked forward to it, I've teased myself, I've allowed S to tease me, I've daydreamed and I've touched. But I haven't come.

So when S came online tonight, I was in the mood, to say the least. We talked about something that's a bit new to both of us. I was so turned on, and then he just disappeared in the middle of things.

Oh well. I did what I had to do, on my own, and it felt wonderful. Sometimes waiting isn't such a bad idea. And sometimes it's just out of the question.