Erotic language

English is not my language.

But neither is the erotic vocabulary of my native tongue.

There were so many years when I felt the words connected with sex were soiled, sullied. The dirty words were too, well, dirty - and not in a good way. The romantic metaphors were too silly. The correct words were too clinical. They all bore connotations that I felt very uncomfortable with, and I wouldn't take them into my mouth. I think that's why I've never been very vocal while having sex.

I didn't even feel comfortable reading them, which became a problem when I first started looking for erotic stories online. That, and the fact that my native language is so small that there isn't much quality supply, made me look for erotica in English instead.

And suddenly, to me, the words were free. They meant what I wanted them to mean. I filled them with meaning and with emotion as I pleased (and as I moved along I also learned quite a few words describing phenomena I'd never known existed, so I had no words for them at all in my language).

It was like learning a new language, and I learned it first by reading, then by chatting. After just a few weeks of chatting (okay, I'll admit I spent a lot of my awake time chatting) I could say things I'd never had words to express in my own language. (So there's a tip for those of you looking to learn a foreign language...) And when I ventured into phone sex... I could talk.

I have tried chatting and emailing on erotic topics in my native tongue, but I'm still not comfortable with it, and I wonder if I ever will be. So when I started this blog, using English was an easy decision. Of course, it will always be a foreign language, and there are times when I wish I could express myself with the ease and individual style that I do in my own language.

But erotically - I consider English to be my native tongue.