When I'm close to coming, with S, something happens with me.
It's like opening a door to my subconscious, and secret fantasies start pouring out. Those last couple of minutes are amazing - I surprise myself over and over again. I shock myself, but I don't care, I just open those gates and let my innermost thoughts pour out, and then I come.
No one else has ever had that effect on me. I don't know how it travels through cyberspace via typed words, but it does. His voice... though we don't talk on phone at night, I keep hearing his voice, and it makes me go mad with arousal - literally mad, as in not myself.
Tonight, we kept chatting for a little while after we had both come. We imagined a slow fuck, both of us tender, sensitive, spent. Kissing. Delicious... I want him.
Johanna, this is not unlike (in fact, it is likely the same) the dynamic of subspace...the mind is so powerful...though I am not a physiologist, I would guess you are releasing some level of endorphins that literally give you the "high" you experience that comes from feeling safe to just "let go." And, as you know, while you made be "mad" with this...it is you. Smile.
ReplyDeleteCameron, you could be right, and it's a thrilling thought - that there could be actual and physical changes taking place within. I think the "feeling safe" part is very important as well, and it's probably why I've never had this happen before with anyone else.
ReplyDeleteI think you may be right...the way you have been describing your "awakening" seems to point in that direction. I would guess that it has taken as much time to simply be comfortable with your own feelings, let alone to share them openly with another and then to just be able to "freefall" (how's that for an analogy?) into the ecstasy that you are describing. But you are there...so, enjoy it...explore it as much as you can...these are life's natural highs. The trust and safety of another's care...dare I say, love?...maybe even unconditional. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteYes, sharing thoughts and finding that they're not met with judgement or even shock, just embraced and further explored, has been a tremendous leap forward for me when it comes to accepting my own feelings. And no, I don't think you dare say love ;-)
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