The fantasy from last night was still there when S started talking this morning, and he was at home too... so I got to listen to his voice, and when I came I did so for such an amazingly long time, I thought it would never end. I was still lost in the aftershocks when he came a while later. We even had an imaginary postcoital cigarette over the phone afterwards, though none of us smoke :-)
There is so much arousal in my life that wouldn't be there if it wasn't for him. I'd masturbate, I'd come, but not this much, not this intensely. And there are so many fantasies that I wouldn't articulate if it weren't for him. He pulls them out of me.
It used to scare me. It used to make me back off a little. I'd take more time to seek pleasure on my own, chat a little with others, afraid of getting too dependent. And now it feels as if I have laid down all resistance, as if I've finally stopped worrying so much about "what will it be like when he's not around any more". I don't know what is the right thing to do, but I do know that I'm enjoying what we have now.
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