After a quiet day yesterday, I was very pleased to be talking with S again today. It was the slow kind of conversation, with time to work and think in between messages. With time to let arousal build, sometimes drop a little, then build again. A picture sent, a scenario evolving, changing, developing.
It turned into a transgender fantasy... those feel so forbidden to me, so exciting. Sharing them with someone else - even more so.
I felt so... unconstrained.
And frustrated, in the certainty that these fantasies will never, ever become true.
Liberated, in the sense that I've started to acknowledge desires that I have kept hidden, definitely from everyone else, but also from myself. Liberated also because I know now that everything is possible in fantasy - there are no implications, no consequenses, only pleasure.
Amazed, by having found a person who will assist and encourage even in the scenarios I thought I'd never tell anyone about, and that I imagine would be a turn-off for most men.
Ashamed... yes, some of these thoughts still make me feel guilty. They are so far from what I feel I'm expected to find arousing, though they've always been there. (The shame part is rapidly shrinking though, as I move along.)
Aroused, to the point of exploding in an intense cloud of pleasure.
It turned into a transgender fantasy... those feel so forbidden to me, so exciting. Sharing them with someone else - even more so.
I felt so... unconstrained.
And frustrated, in the certainty that these fantasies will never, ever become true.
Liberated, in the sense that I've started to acknowledge desires that I have kept hidden, definitely from everyone else, but also from myself. Liberated also because I know now that everything is possible in fantasy - there are no implications, no consequenses, only pleasure.
Amazed, by having found a person who will assist and encourage even in the scenarios I thought I'd never tell anyone about, and that I imagine would be a turn-off for most men.
Ashamed... yes, some of these thoughts still make me feel guilty. They are so far from what I feel I'm expected to find arousing, though they've always been there. (The shame part is rapidly shrinking though, as I move along.)
Aroused, to the point of exploding in an intense cloud of pleasure.
Wonderful post. Don't feel shamed. I must not be like 'most men' in terms of being turned-off since regardless of the fantasy, the hottest thing to me is that the woman feels it's hot. I dropped you an email on gmail if you're so inclined to read it. Love the blog! --Red
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree, arousal in itself is arousing... no matter what its origin. Thanks for encouraging words, and thanks for an amazing email as well... you'll hear from me soon :-)
ReplyDeleteI'll look forward to it...
ReplyDelete