I'm back home after a two week vacation which was intense, and wonderful, and exhausting. And now I'm back - to routine, work, alarm clocks, a freezing climate and loads of laundry.
And to online adventures.
Re-entering my online life after a break is always a little nervous. Will S still be there? Will it be the same? Has he moved on? Have I? He's addictive; a pause will partially rid me of the addiction, and when I emerge on the other side - do I still need him? Want him?
So far, the answer has always turned out to be yes. But this time, I feel more unsure than ever. Of my own feelings, and of his.
The fact that J is part of the scenario doesn't really effect the situation with S, but I don't feel like getting into that whole web of feelings and possibilities with her (or with her and him, whatever) before I know where I stand with S. It seems he and J haven't talked much, which surprises me - actually, it disappoints me if they haven't. But then again, I don't know that they haven't, I've just recieved hints. Perhaps they have. Or perhaps there's another player in the game? Or has he just been busy with ordinary, aka real, life?
I left him a rather long and descriptive offline message earlier, simply because I had an experience I enjoyed sharing with him, one that I thought he'd enjoy reading about. I was surprised when I didn't get a reply. I still haven't heard from him - either he hasn't read it yet, or his thoughts are occupied elsewhere. If it's the latter, perhaps I'll prefer to stay off the addiction for now.
All this doesn't change the fact that I'm back. Back with my fave vibe, with alone time, with ample opportunities to fantasize and play.
So tonight, my first night in a separate bedroom in a few weeks (I won't go into that right now, why my husband and I don't share a bed... maybe some other time), I decided to not bother with S or J just yet. Instead, I had plans to really indulge for a while - read a couple of good stories, watch a few clips, slowly get to the delicious point where I simply had to climax.
Turned out I was more desperate than I'd thought. Half a clip, say five minutes or so... and I just couldn't help myself. It felt amazingly good.
In many ways, I hate coming home after a long holiday. But some aspects of it, I love.
And to online adventures.
Re-entering my online life after a break is always a little nervous. Will S still be there? Will it be the same? Has he moved on? Have I? He's addictive; a pause will partially rid me of the addiction, and when I emerge on the other side - do I still need him? Want him?
So far, the answer has always turned out to be yes. But this time, I feel more unsure than ever. Of my own feelings, and of his.
The fact that J is part of the scenario doesn't really effect the situation with S, but I don't feel like getting into that whole web of feelings and possibilities with her (or with her and him, whatever) before I know where I stand with S. It seems he and J haven't talked much, which surprises me - actually, it disappoints me if they haven't. But then again, I don't know that they haven't, I've just recieved hints. Perhaps they have. Or perhaps there's another player in the game? Or has he just been busy with ordinary, aka real, life?
I left him a rather long and descriptive offline message earlier, simply because I had an experience I enjoyed sharing with him, one that I thought he'd enjoy reading about. I was surprised when I didn't get a reply. I still haven't heard from him - either he hasn't read it yet, or his thoughts are occupied elsewhere. If it's the latter, perhaps I'll prefer to stay off the addiction for now.
All this doesn't change the fact that I'm back. Back with my fave vibe, with alone time, with ample opportunities to fantasize and play.
So tonight, my first night in a separate bedroom in a few weeks (I won't go into that right now, why my husband and I don't share a bed... maybe some other time), I decided to not bother with S or J just yet. Instead, I had plans to really indulge for a while - read a couple of good stories, watch a few clips, slowly get to the delicious point where I simply had to climax.
Turned out I was more desperate than I'd thought. Half a clip, say five minutes or so... and I just couldn't help myself. It felt amazingly good.
In many ways, I hate coming home after a long holiday. But some aspects of it, I love.
No comments:
Post a Comment