From time to time, the communications pattern between the lover and me will suddenly change, with regards to how often we talk, or which time of day we talk, or if we talk focused or just spread it out into a series of messages over time, or if he shows up as online or uses the invisible mode, or weather we talk on the phone several times a week or not for a month or more.
Each time something changes, I go through endless worries. Has his focus shifted to someone else? Has his interest faded?
After brooding and worrying for a few days, I always arrive at the same conclusion: He'll always do whatever he wants to do, regardless my worries, and I should keep my focus steady, regardless of him.
And my focus is pleasure.
I can't go as far as to take another lover - don't ask me why, I just can't (and believe me, I've tried). But I will not wait for him. As much as I love getting aroused with him (and by him), and get off with him (or with his help), I will not wait around. When I need relief, I will get relief - with or without him.
This afternoon, I was getting hornier and hornier, working at my desk. I so wanted him to be there, but he wasn't. And since the fantasy of the lover, me and a young girl is so, so enticing... I watched some clips of a mature couple with a younger girl, imagining the lover and I... a few filthy words whispered between us and her... and there you go.
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