I was starting to think my focus had shifted, that I was moving away from the erotic bubble I've been in and out of on a daily basis for the last couple of years. My daydreams faded, my online activites were next to zero, my blog almost dormant, my libido... well, far from non-existant, but not in the frantic state I've gotten used to. I thought I'd snapped out of it, and I felt confused. Empty. And was there a tad of relief?
I didn't think I would snap right back into it - but I did.
Suddenly, there she was, as lovely as ever, her eyes still searching for mine, rewarding me with a warm smile across the room or the lawn when she caught me searching right back. That hope, that I had buried and didn't expect to uncover, ever, came right back into light. And so there it was again, my pounding heart. And I was happy to welcome it back.
And there was someone else... just eye candy really, food for thought, a trigger for my imagination. But I didn't realize it fully until S came back. It didn't take him long to pull those taboo fantasies out of me, making me realize that I hadn't been at a standstill after all. And so there they were again, the tingle and the urge. I've missed them.
And now S has disappeared for a day or so, and I've immediately started worrying that he may have lost interest. And so here it is again, the shortness of breath, the brooding. And I know I need them to stay sane.
I've enjoyed the pause, but now I'm looking forward to hitting the roller coaster again. I am very happy to be back.
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