I chatted with S now and then today, and got all wet from the things we discussed, plans we (almost) made, fantasies and ideas we shared, or at least implied.
And then he had to work for a while, and honestly so did I, but I didn't... instead I lay down with my vibrator and thought of a woman.
I sort of flirt with her, not that I know if she's noticed (I've never been good at flirting). I know she's married, but... well, so am I. Who knows. I can't stop thinking about her. She has a lovely smile, greying hair, beautiful eyes and a posture and a body that simply makes me want to undress her, touch her, kiss her.
I came thinking of her. I feel a little bit unfaithful.
I'm confused.
Fantasies are not cheating, especially when he would get turned on knowing about it. Sounds wonderful to me.
ReplyDeleteLet me get this straight.... you feel unfaithful to S... right? If that's the case then I totally understand. But I don't think it really counts.
ReplyDeleteHe has introduced another woman into your fantasies together before. Why is this any different?
I think that he'll eventually understand that you are just interested in him, and that she is external, even if she weaves into your fantasies with him on occasion.
He should realize that there's nothing wrong with that.
I think I need to clarify... S has known about her since I first laid eyes on her. I always tell him about her whenever I've met her, and he loves fantasizing about her and me. He's not the least upset (though perhaps a tad jealous, I'm not really sure). But it's not about him, it's about me... I suppose I'm just not used to wanting someone else, after having fantasized almost exclusively about S for well over a year. It's refreshing - but yes, confusing.
ReplyDeleteOh, and great seeing both of you here! :-)
Ahh ok, that makes more sense then. Sorry I was confused... It must be a little disconcerting when you've been "faithful" and then suddenly feel attracted to someone else. Indeed quite confusing. I have recently realized that all I've ever really wanted was Rob, and even Co-worker is a substitute. I feel guilty now for flirting with Co-worker.
ReplyDeleteAnd co-worker is looking mighty fine these days too... man....
Exactly... I got a long hug from her today, too long to be socially acceptable, which made me all warm and glowing. I went home, walking on air all the way... and all I wanted was to be alone and catch S online and find a release for all these feelings of bubbly happiness. I know it doesn't make sense at all, but that's what I felt. Very confusing. (And no, I wasn't alone, and no, I didn't catch him online, and no, there was no release. Hopes up for later though.)
ReplyDeleteOhhh the frustration... I'm sure you will find release soon. xoxo
ReplyDeleteLast night didn't work out.. and today way too busy with work... ahhh :-(
ReplyDelete