Telling your lover about your arousal for another is very hot, but also sort of risky.
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I love that S finds it arousing to hear about my fantasies of her. I even love sensing his jealousy - but I don't want to hurt his feelings.
I think I went too far tonight, and I especially don't think I should have told him about mixing fantasies of her with fantasies of him. On the other hand I want to tell him everything...
I just don't want him to feel that I want him any less because of her. He may be online only, while she's in my so called real life - but she's my lover in fantasy only, while he's my lover for real.
When I sensed that he backed off a little, not really wanting to be a part of my fantasy of her and him, I felt awful. I was surprised by my strong reaction. I went from almost coming to not aroused at all in seconds, and from eyes semi-closed, lost in pleasure, to eyes full of tears in the same amount of time.
I apologized, and he said it was fine, but we we didn't even try to get back to playing after that. It was really late anyway, so we said goodnight. He assured me he wasn't upset, but with me, there's always that little grain of worry left.
However - I had been away for a couple of days, without much chance of talking with S and without any chance at all of masturbating. And that immense arousal... once it's planted there, it never really goes away, it just goes into hiding. It still needs to be released. Add to that the anxiety of perhaps having said something wrong.. and there you go; I had to make myself come.
It was obvious that I needed it, but I have very mixed feelings about this climax. It shouldn't have happened this way.
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