Waiting

I once vowed never to wait for S. If I felt like playing, I'd go ahead without him if he wasn't around.

Well that has changed. If I feel like playing with him, I'll wait until he's available. It's so much better with him than with anybody else, or with just myself.

I suppose it's because we're in a different place now. I trust him. Before, not hearing from him would be scary, since I was never completely certain he was coming back. Now I know he's there. I might even say I know he wants me.

And sometimes, when the wait is prolonged, I even really, really enjoy the feeling of urgency, of frustration, of overwhelming arousal that is un-leashed, un-channelled, pent-up. I enjoy it, because I know it will be so much better when I finally find a release for that tension. With him.

I can only do it for so long though. If I can't catch him online tonight I'll have to go on on my own. God, I need to come. Soon.