I've been away with family. Without an internet connection. It had its upsides and its downsides.
I was very focused on family, which was good.
I was very frustrated by the lack of alone time, which was bad.
I enjoyed more or less innocent erotic daytime fantasies, inspired by the new environment in which I was finding myself, which was fun.
But at night... that's when it got difficult. I wasn't alone, most of the time. I didn't have the possibility to read stories or watch clips. I could barely even talk with S, though we actually did chat briefly a couple of nights, though cut short due to an almost non-existant phone connection.
So what happened was that my fantasies were put under a magnifying glass. A burning-glass. Concentrated, thickened, intensified. Enough to make me push past that last resistance, to the point where I could climax even though I wasn't alone, even though there were no locks on doors, even though I never felt completely at ease with masturbating.
And after letting those fantasies out last night I've really, really been looking forward to coming home, and to get to explore those fantasies with the aide of clips, sound, stories.
After coming to bed tonight there was a not insignificant part of me that wanted to wait for S. But he hasn't been around for a couple of days, and I didn't feel like waiting - perhaps in vain, perhaps resulting in me going to sleep without playing.
So I went ahead without him. And it was good.
I still miss him though.
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