Over the last few days, worries have effectively blocked my lust.
I had a conversation with S a few nights ago, which ended badly. I shared something painful with him, that had nothing to do with sex, something personal. As it turned out the topic was even more complicated to him, and it made him so sad that he ended up logging off. He didn't talk for a couple of days.
There is an incredible intimacy between us, but it's restricted to erotic fantasies only, and I can't really make up my mind how I feel about that. As far as erotic explorations go, we're constantly moving forward, both of us open, curious, discovering new things. Perhaps a certain degree of emotional distance is a prerequisite? Because emotionally, we stay within very strict limits, that even seem to get narrower as we move along. I'm not entirely happy with that.
Oh well. He came online this morning, and he very obviously didn't want to talk about what happened Saturday, or why. So we happily moved on to a fantasy that had me wet and comfortably aroused a fair portion of the day. And tonight we shared a delicious, detailed fantasy, over which we both came.
I'm very glad he's back, but his lack of response to my worries has had me thinking.
I think it takes time. I know that Rob and I weren't close on any level apart from sex and relationships until relatively recently. But men do tend to thrive on that kind of emotivity a lot more than I thought. I think S will come round eventually. I have noticed that men do need to take more time with things to process them. And they tend not to talk about how they process whereas women do. So his lack of communication should be in the norm. Nonetheless it is frustrating, because we end up feeling cut out or off.
ReplyDeleteAnd you and Rob have known each other for how long...? 10 years...? Seems it can, sometimes, be worth the wait though ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt is..... definitely
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